Diary
May 2026
Shelby Oaks
i gotta let this one marinate with me. i agree with a lot of viewers; the first act is the strongest (if the rest of the movie had been like it i’d give it an immediate five stars) and the rest is kind of a lot of movies at once. that said, i am partial to some of the themes in its third act, which remind me of some elements of silent hill and, weirdly, supernatural. i’ll come back with a rating after i’ve sat with it. i’m thinking three and a half right now but that could change!
April 2026
Wrong Turn
i don’t know, whatever? the main characters were all hot and likable enough but the guy with the most lively personality gets got halfway through, at which point the movie sort of locks in to do its required checkboxes and leaves us with just sort of empty archetypal character outlines going through their horror movie motions, and to me it suffered for it. also docking points for the beat to death mutated lunatic incest family, a trope that’s not exactly unpopular in horror but, still, there’s a reason it went out of style — it’s nonsensical, mean-spirited, and just generally gets old. again: i don’t know, whatever. i mostly watched for eliza. unless you just wanna see hot people be hot and get murdered and kill some time, you’re probably better off watching the hills have eyes or something adjacently the-same-but-less-tired.
American Mary
the thing about this movie is that people will tell you it’s a “good for her” film. and it is for a while, but ultimately it’s a tragedy. a very effective one at that. much to be said about this movie and its relationship with men, good and bad. also the way it closes off into this perfect circle. you think mary’s found her way to be untouchable by the men who want to harm her and then the movie reminds you that that’s impossible, that you can never be beyond that existential truth of vulnerability, that there’s no way to wholly escape that culture. in the end it’s still misogyny that kills her. some violent man angry at his wife’s refusal to exist as a sexual object for him. mary mason survives that party and builds herself back up and you think it’s over. it’s not. she still dies, on her back, at a depraved man’s hands. stomach turning. anyway. i miss katharine isabelle horror flicks. can we get more katharine isabelle in horror flicks
Friday the 13th
basically what every other reviewer has said, not unbearably bad or anything but very cliche and the vapid crass dialogue comes off more as cringey rather than intentional. i found it more enjoyable than the original and i don’t regret watching but the silent unstoppable killer thing isn’t really For Me tbh. more than anything it made me think of In A Violent Nature which i enjoyed a lot more :/
March 2026
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City
one day someone’s going to make a good resident evil movie
Mysterious Skin
by the time the credits rolled i felt like that thing about drowning while everyone thinks you’re simply waving. this time’s really on me though i walked into a second watch with my eyes wide open
Mysterious Skin
let’s not talk to me for a while.
January 2026
Springsteen: Deliver Me from Nowhere
a lot of this felt like standard biopic fare up until about the last 25 minutes, at which point i kind of did feel like i’d transcended. jaw’s work here is really something special tbh. also? may someday we all be so lucky as to have jeremy strong there to prop us up during total meltdowns
December 2025
High Tension
jesus christ
November 2025
Hostel
if this was my crown jewel movie as a filmmaker i’d go off and become a carpenter instead. or maybe attend a seminar on sexism. or maybe just disappear from society altogether and take up a job that would put me on the north pole. i watched this hoping the answer as to why eli roth is still allowed to make movies would suddenly become clear to me, as if i would have some beautiful epiphany about how there’s something of substance belying all the Everything Else, but for all the impact this movie had on me and for all the depth it had i may as well have stared into a puddle on the side of the road for 90 minutes. the cinematography is the reason why this isn’t a single star. you’re better off watching Martyrs instead
Apollo 18
this had a lot of potential, but it never quite makes it there? the found footage style does make it more charming than it probably would have been otherwise, ben’s really likable, and the sadness in the movie is exactly what i want out of horror. that said, the plot kind of shrinks away from itself and pulls most of its punches. this movie needs at least another half hour and a lot more tension throughout, as well as more development on nate to bond us to him as an audience. i’m glad i gave it a shot because the concept is really special but i’m probably going to forget i watched this within the next hour!
In a Violent Nature
this felt like a bad dream. i wouldn’t watch it again. i also wouldn’t recommend it. the pacing of this didn’t bother me? it’s just unsettling. very visceral. it felt like being hypnotized. a couple of the kills were so mean-spirited i kind of felt like i was an accomplice just by watching.
Thanksgiving
this thanksgiving you can be thankful that you aren’t me and didn’t spend 2 hours watching this movie
Salem's Lot
this certainly was a movie i watched. two stars is sort of pushing it, but i got a good laugh in midway through and lewis pullman was affable enough
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
she kept me company through a crisis this a.m. and for that i appreciate her. she came through when i needed her
The Watchers
this seems to be a hot take but honestly i liked this. the end got a bit trite but still overall enjoyable for me and i liked the messaging. let’s forgive ourselves with mama!
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1
the start of this is like a promising romcom and then the demon baby happens. that said i love how edward was immediately like “kill that thing” so i’ll still give it three stars
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2
i’m so sorry but i have to give this five stars. does it deserve five stars? no, not really. but even the uncanny valley scary cgi renesmee couldn’t take the wind out of my sails on this one. that fake-out is legendary in my household. also the way the end sequence is basically just a fan edit is beautiful. cried. always cry. five stars.
Twilight
the pepsi and twizzler advertising in this
The Suicide Squad
the gunn was locked and loaded on this one
