Boys Don't Cry

The Dreamers

The Man Who Fell to Earth

It cannot be stated enough how much of a prodigy David Bowie is, and The Man Who Fell to Earth more than proves it. He brings so much otherworldly gravitas to the character of Thomas Jerome Newton, an estranged wanderer whose eccentric behavior entrances Mary-Lou (Candy Clark) and makes him susceptible to manipulation by other men hellbent on exploiting his fortune. Besides Bowie’s performance, the film is also a visual feast and absolutely gorgeous to look at. The interior of Thomas’ home is so ahead of its time that it’s hard not to mistake it for a modern home. Also has one of the wildest sex scenes ever put to film. Overall a surrealist experience and ostensibly one of, if not the greatest sci-fi film, ever made.

The Girls on F Street

How this isn’t regarded as an essential grindhouse classic is beyond me. It’s a series of kinky vignettes mainly centered around a loner who seeks solace in various prostitutes, but ultimately, these encounters either end in simple disappointment or outright humiliation. The core highlight for me doesn’t even feature men in it, and it’s in the second act, involving two women where one of them is posing nude for a sculpture. It really is one of the most gripping parts of the movie. It’s experimental with a streak of the avant-garde, brilliantly incorporating early 60s S&M iconography with a 1920s LA backdrop.

Doctor Who: The End of Time

“This song is ending, but the story never ends.” The perfect ending to the most quintessential Doctor since Tom Baker. Now surely, RTD, in his wise wisdom, won’t do anything to devalue all the sacrifices and gravitas that made his legacy so remarkable, right? Right??????

Doctor Who: Planet of the Dead

Man, why didn’t they bring back Christina for at least one or two more episodes in the series? She was such a fun companion, and Michelle Ryan and David Tennant have such great chemistry.

Six-String Samurai

“Flutter away, little butterfly. Flutter away.” One of the best blind purchases I’ve ever made, bar none. Part Mad Max, part Fallout. It’s fucking brilliant.

Sword for Truth

What a nothing burger this was. Here in the states, it was billed as “the next Ninja Scroll”, despite being released a few years prior (and in 1990 at that, right when Japan’s economic bubble burst) and fundamentally inferior on every front. More reliant on gratuitous sex and gore and less on the plot, and the plot threads it DOES bring up are never expanded upon. Oh, and the animation is choppy, too. It’s far too short and ends abruptly.

Strange Days

It’s fucking scary how relevant this movie is right now, especially with our political climate. Who would’ve thought that a movie made 5 years before the start of the millennium would accidentally predict not just LA, but our entire country in general becoming a police state, 25 years late, might I add? Absolutely brilliant, fucking killer soundtrack, and it’s Kathryn Bigelow’s best.

The Dark Knight

Superhero movies peaked here. Often imitated, but never duplicated and nothing in the genre has come close to it since. Nearly 18 years and it is a wonder how well it has held up.

28 Years Later: The Bone Temple

“Let’s turn this all the way up to 11.” The single best use of The Number of the Beast in any film, and I will never hear Iron Maiden or Duran Duran the same way again. Those who swore off the last movie because of the ending are really depriving themselves of a treat here. Absolutely visceral all around. Intense, scary, and all around rewarding. Nia DaCosta has truly done justice to the emotional power of the previous movie, especially in the scenes involving Dr. Kelson and Samson.

The Green Inferno

Baby’s first shock film. Fucking Cannibal Holocaust had more to say about leftist self-righteousness and colonization (and had more balls) than this derivative tripe. Eli Roth is a one-trick pony, more focused on extreme gore than… I don’t know, creating a good movie with characters that are at least interesting??? Everyone here is either unlikable or one-note and bland. It’s overly long and all in all a miserable experience. Sky Ferreira is innocent, though. She deserved better than this.

GoodFellas

“Never rat out your friends and always keep your mouth shut.” Why the fuck did it take me THIS long to get around to watching this??? Best fucking gangster movie ever made. Scorsese truly is a master at his craft here.

Bad Santa

With each subsequent viewing and every single year, this becomes more and more poignant and even funnier. Christmas has truly become such a cynical holiday, it’s sickening.

Yu Yu Hakusho: The Movie - Poltergeist Report

It’s a crying shame that this is the only feature-length Yu Yu Hakusho movie we got. There’s so much lore in the entire series that isn’t explored here, but then again, it’s a Shōnen movie. They have paper thin plots with villains that never come up in the series again and they end up never being canon to the series as a whole. That said, go into this with a grain of salt (and watch it in its original Japanese with subtitles, the dub is total dogshit). The real attraction here is the fight scenes, which are well-animated and they run SOOOOOOO smooth.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Easily tied with Heathers, The Boys Next Door and Better Off Dead as one of the most quintessential teen movies of the 80s. Beneath the backdrop of an 80s raunchy sex comedy lies a rather realistic portrayal of the teen experience and was well ahead of its time, coincidentally a couple years before the sentimentality of John Hughes’ teen cinema kicked in and took over.

Superman

Really??? This is supposed to be a fresh start for the DC universe???? It’s the same old shit that’s been going on in every Marvel and DC movie that came out in the past decade or so, and James Gunn has not evolved past Guardians of the Galaxy. The biggest one-trick pony in film history. The movie is riddled with exposition with no visual storytelling or nuance, it’s poorly written (‘tHe MovIe’s abOuT ThE gEnOciDe iN GaZa AnD ukRaInE’, yes, you’re sooooooo smart for pointing out that a blockbuster movie is anti-war, one of the easiest allegories that not just several other comic book movies before this one, but movies in general, have tackled. Here’s a gold star.), and overall it’s a toneless slog. Also, I really love how the fans of this children’s movie (because that’s really what this is at the end of the day) say it’s about kindness and humanity, yet they’re so quick to shut down any dissent that challenges their opinion. “Kindness is the new punk rock”, my fucking ass.

David Lynch: The Art Life

A stunning portrait of one of the greatest American artists of a generation. Mr. Lynch, you are forever missed and the world will never be the same without you.

Gumby: The Movie

A surreal and trippy experience. Really proves you can do anything with animation. Some really creative sequences here, particularly the end credits sequence.

Eddington

You know you have a masterpiece on your hands when you have a couple two rows behind you bitching about whether or not to walk out throughout the course of the third act and whining about how “boring” the movie is. A truly enthralling movie that captures the hysteria and chaos of the COVID-19 pandemic. In the hands of a director like Adam McKay, this could’ve delved into a preachy morality tale a la Don’t Look Up, but Ari Aster doesn’t do that. What we have instead is a cynical and blunt satire where the left wing (white leftists in particular) is completely performative and self-serving, the elected democrats are corrupt and the right wing is completely unhinged and psychotic. But don’t take this to mean that Aster is fence-sitting here. This is ostensibly a left-leaning perspective, as the right is portrayed in a far more critical light. It’s as if something in America completely snapped during the pandemic and never reverted, where everyone is frightened and no one wants to listen to or communicate with each other. Overall, Ari Aster has captured the true absurdities of the pandemic underpinning both sides of the aisle. Easily his best movie.