Lex

1985

It's a Good year for black and white films!

nathansnook

1985

It makes sense that it’s in black and white, he says, putting our wine glasses in the sink. I think everything looks better in black and white. Do you think film begged for color with its first taste? Technicolor must’ve been delicious, I say, stretching myself out on the couch. Do you think a mother knows best? Like from the beginning? Do you think she knew her sons were gay? Does your mom know? Sometimes I think she does. She has this way of looking. How does she look? She looks sad I think because she sees sadness in things. What do you mean? She’s disappointed in a lot of things. Like the weather, he said. He looked out the window, but there was nothing to look at because it was dark out now. I look at him. I pretend to see like his mom does. He sees it. His mother’s eyes in mine. He turns away. Why do amateur filmmakers always keep the camera so still? Yen Tan holds the camera as if it’s a heavy thing to move, like he’s unsure of how to use it, he complains. I think it’s because they’re afraid of it. He’s shy around the camera. That’s why he’s behind it. And the actors are so stiff. They feel like student actors. I think there’s a charm to it. It’s trying to be what it’s not, set in the mid 80s, Reagan’s time, but it’s not. It’s pretending. It pretends like we do. Do you wear a mask around me? No. I’m myself when I’m with you. He imitates the sound of puking over where the clean glasses are now. His hands are wet with suds and he walks over to me, to hug me, drying his hands off with the back of my shirt. I step on his foot to push him off and we’re laughing. There’s a childlike ㅅㅂ in our throats and I step on my tip toes over his and I think I’m floating a bit, like an ornament, light and tinsel and glowing. I could fall and break and that could be the end of everything with gleaming finery. I could call it a life, a love, and lull out in a song. Weightless. Airy. A bit like magic. “𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦, 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘐’𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦.”